When Life Is Such A Pain...

 Sage Says:

Pain is something most ranch folks deal with on some level.  Especially as we grow older.  An older friend just told me, "getting old ain't for the puny."  At 41, and a lifetime spent around horses and outside, living - I can totally relate.  I wake up most nights, having to move, because something hurts.  Most people I know can tell an upcoming change in the weather simply because something starts to ache.  I have a few of those old injuries. 

Squirrel!  I once went in to a chiropractor and decided I wouldn't say much about myself.  He finally asked if I was a bullrider.  And, to be fair, I don't have near the laundry list of injuries most of my friends in the industry do.  

My most recent injury sure set me back.  I spent weeks babying a broken collar bone.  I actually made it worse by carrying it like it was hanging on by a thread.  Long after it healed I wouldn't use it, and ended up almost loosing the ability to hold my arm up in the air because of all the scar tissue and atrophy in the muscle.  My yoga instructor and friend set about getting it back and pushed me hard.  She suggested I go to a sports medicine doctor and chiropractor.  I went.  I kind of missed my old shoulder.  Within a few months, I had use of the shoulder again, and I have a string of exercises I know to do when it starts to lock up now. 

Squirrel!  I know, you want to know how I broke it....  I wish I could tell you it was on a bull.  or a mean momma cow rolled me in the alley.  Or I jumped off the tractor to save a baby owl from doom.  But really, I just fell down the stairs.  I wanted to puke when it happened, and I sat down for a good 15 minutes.  I actually went to the local clinic for that one, and the nurse practitioner gave me a prescription I never filled, a sling I used far too long and an invitation to come back soon.  I haven't. 

I am famous around this place for suggestion water will cure what ails you. 

"Mom, my knee hurts."  "Drink water." 

"Momma, my tummy doesn't feel good."  "Drink water and sit down for a bit." 

Headaches, colds, aches and pains can all be improved by water.  And on the off-chance I do give medicine?  Oh yes, you must drink extra water.  I worry that todays pills are too hard on the kidneys/liver and stomach.  I can hardly take medicine because the list of side affects is far worse than the original concern!  I hand out Arnica Montana pretty regularly, and I use a few other homeopathic remedies.  I tend to subscribe to my food as much as anything for remedies.  I get gout and have a couple joints now that seem to have arthritis setting in.  Cherry cider really helps the inflammation.  Cherry cider and vodka cures both physical and mental maladies.  If my gut isn't feeling good I tank up on yogurt and probiotic rich foods.  I keep Braggs vinegar around, using it for muscle  spasms, rinsing my teeth, and other strange cure-alls.   Kids have growing pains?  I reach for bananas, peanut butter, orange juice and other potassium rich foods. 

I started going to yoga when I was pregnant with my middle child.  He was doing his best to sit as far over on my left side as possible, causing sciatic problems.  One round of yoga and I could walk again, I was hooked.  I also have to admit I was flat impressed to see a man in his 70s doing a pose that I thought only ballerinas could do.  I've been going, off and on, for 9 years now, and I admit, I look to yoga now, as well, for cures of what ails me.  Lower back ache?  Downward dog and water. 

Shayla says:

I’m a wuss.

I was tempted to leave my thoughts on pain at just that to be funny, but what the heck? I guess I’ll be real instead of the class clown.

City folks have pain too for a variety of reasons but mostly I have a feeling the reasons behind the pain are similar:

Young humans are stupid and think they are invincible and our bodies remind us how stupid we were and that invincibility is a myth.

Some of my stupid human tricks?

I played soccer until I was about 14. I was a goalkeeper who had no problem diving for a ball (for the record, Arizona soccer fields are on Arizona soil which is basically like diving on concrete) or taking out a player from the other team.

I had a temper from about 11 to 13 and had no problem fist fighting (even a few boys.) 

I was hit by a car a few days before my sixth birthday.

ADD sidebar: This story will indicate to you how much a wuss I really am. As the paramedics were checking me out after my little five year old self failed to look both ways and challenged a Trans Am in the middle of the road, they were asking me what hurt. I only remember flashes of the incident itself but one thing I distinctly remember is my wailing “My leg is broken!” as I pointed to my ankle. The paramedics stabilized my entire leg, taking my word for it. I got to the hospital and was x-rayed from head to toe. And other than bruises, road rash, and fearing death so much that I would hold my mother’s hand every time I took a step near anywhere that cars could roll until I was in my teens, I was completely fine. Not a single broken bone. In fact my “broken leg” only had a scratch on the ankle. Early childhood wussdom.

I lugged around children for years, both on my front and my back.

ADD sidebar: My youngest young liked to ride in a backpack for everything so I often did chores with him along for the ride like one of those aboriginal women who would have the baby and go back to the fields.

Sure, none of it is like breaking a collarbone like Sage.

In fact, the only thing I have ever actually broken was my kneecap on…yes you guessed it. Trying to do a stupid invincible human trick by jumping over a waterfall. Oh and then I played a year of soccer on that broken knee cap. Because my mom insisted it was a bruise because…well I was a wuss. What else would she think?

As an adult I have chronic pain from a couple of bulging and degenerative discs. I’ve been told by my doctors I’m “awfully young” to have those issues. What will that mean when I’m awfully old?

Some nights my leg feels like it’s on fire from the swelling in my spine. Though I’ve never been told I have the bones of a bull rider, some mornings I wake up feeling like I do.

ADD Sidebar: I’ve never ridden a bull…though maybe I have. I wanted desperately to ride a horse when I was really little and being the city kid visiting the country cousins, my Uncle Jerry convinced me that a calf was a horse and he tugged on the poor thing while I clung to it for dear life. I have the picture to prove it. Maybe it grew up to be a bull…or maybe it was a cow. Idk. Chances are if I couldn’t tell a cow wasn’t a horse, I probably wouldn’t have been able to distinguish between a boy and a girl bovine.

I’ve been seeing a pain specialist for about six years.

One of my “ologists.”

ADD Sidebar: That’s something that no one warns you will happen when you turn 40. You get a list full of “ologists” for every thing that is going on with your middle-aged body.

My pain specialist did a lot of stuff for me including some cortisone injections in my spine, physical therapy, a device I can wear called a tens unit that sends electricity to the nerves to help dull the pain, and yes medication.

I’m not just a wuss,

I’m a high strung wuss.

And I will admit it.

I like, not being in pain and I also like the fact that the medication relaxes me.

I often joke that God gave me deep and difficult to find veins to prevent me from becoming a drug addict because I’m almost positive I would really enjoy the IV opiate drugs.

In fact when I’ve had surgery, I’ve referred to those medications as “the ‘oh yeah’ drugs.”

But here’s the other thing, I have-- a history of addiction in my family.

I’ve got cousins in prison.

My aunt died because of that lifestyle and the choices that come with it.

I try my damnedest not to take the medication…even though I sure wouldn’t mind being pain free…and relaxed.

And some days I would take it.

And that’s with me knowing that opiates are the devil in pill form.

ADD sidebar: I find it funny that people debate the legalization of marijuana yet no one blinks twice when a doctor gives them highly addictive opiates…my two cents on the politics of pain, as told by a former hospice social worker.

In January my insurance dropped my pain “ologist” as a provider.

Sure I could find a new pain “ologist” but I’ve just been trying to white knuckle it…yep, even the wuss can try to white knuckle through things.

I delivered 9 and almost 10lbs babies without pain medicine.

So maybe I’m not as much of a wuss as I confess to be.

Of course the almost 10lb baby made me get an epidural for the final one.

So maybe I’m a wuss after all.

But I don’t have pain meds to gauge it.

And if my Excedrin (Night or Migraine) doesn’t help well, then I stay up half the night with my leg on fire or feeling like I have the bones of a bull rider.

I guess I could try Sage’s remedy of drinking more water…even if Arizona is in a drought and I already consume at least a gallon a day.

And I bought a yoga DVD about four years ago called “Yoga for Wimps” with the hope that it could help me.

Turns out just buying the DVD didn’t work.

Apparently there is this whole process where you are supposed to open the package and actually play it in a DVD player and perform the exercises.

Maybe I would’ve been more invested if it were called “Yoga for Wusses.”