Vote For Shane

Sage says:

Dinner at our house is interesting. 

Well, at least to us it is.  Take tonight for instance, we started off talking about politics. 

Squirrel!  With a fifth, fourth and third grader in our house, it is time to start talking about such things.  Shane and I spent our first date arguing, so, you know, it's kind of our thing. 

Monte asked how many people were actually running for president.  Then he asks, “Who you going to vote for, Mom?”

“Well, the person I'm most…no, scratch that.  The person I'm least skeptical of is X.”

Shane (also known as Daddy round these parts)  tells everyone he's voting for himself.

Me, “Wow.  We'd have a packing president.  That would be interesting.  That would really change how people view the President!” 

Bay starts listing all the things she’d have in her new role.  Her daddy laughs and tells her, “NO.  And you'd still have chores.” 

I'm still stuck on how different things would be if our President was packing.  Can you imagine?  Open carry, on the hip.  That would be a game changer. 

And the conversation roles to all the things that would happen if the Faulkners took over the White House (here after known as WH, as it is a recurring theme tonight).  We'd have cattle there, I say.  No need to mow the lawn.  Bay laughs at the idea of Daddy yelling at the dogs to shut up, our first morning in the WH.  Monte says he'd have a covered arena in the WH.  And a whole herd of mini bucking horses. 

Keek thinks Thomas and Uncle Matt should be her bodyguards.  I tell the kids it would be front page news every time they get in trouble at school.  Someone points out that would happen a lot. 

Shane and I talk about the panel of old timers he'd have for an advisory board.  Dad.  Mr. Steve.  I suggest Thomas.  (He's a young rancher we watched grow up). Shane says, “he might turn me down.”  I say  “no, because he's very patriotic.”  Neither of us think about the fact that our old timers list has a young man on it.  Hey, we are new to this whole President/First Lady thing. 

Suddenly I'm enjoying the thought of a huge kitchen and having someone else clean up the mess.  Can you imagine all the green chile I could put up in there?

Shane's being serious now and talking about how we wouldn't use Air Force One for family stuff.  And we would pay taxes. 

Bayler starts laughing, doing an impersonation of a reporter, “Live from the WH, the First Lady just cussed!”

Squirrel....ehhh.  Gotta work on that one, WH or no WH.

Monte just hit a new level of excitement, “Dad – we could fly in a P40!”  Shane tells him, “or an F16!”

Squirrel:  we have pretty active imaginations around here, as you can probably tell.  We are really rolling with this subject.  Hysterical laughter fills the kitchen and manners are barely hanging on by a thread.  But I'm not cussing. 

Shane laughs at the idea of the First Lady having a dog beating up the other dogs in the hood. 

Squirrel!  he's talking about Leroy, my big dog.  Nubs is my pup, and he isn't that tough.  I just thought I should point that out for those of you who have seen pictures of Nubs sporting sunglasses and looking, well, not tough.  Leroy, on the other hand, is a badass. 

Squirrel:  I cussed, didn't I?  Got to work on that.

Bayler informs us that there is a bowling alley in the basement of the WH.  Monte, in complete amazement now, whispers, “wow.  We wouldn't have to go to Espanola?” 

Keek says she would clean stalls at the WH.  She's pretty serious about her chore assignment, and she's been thinking about it for ten minutes. 

We are all kinds of excited about taking over the WH.  Shane really would be a good President.  I, on the other hand, am not real sure I want to be the First Lady.  I think me and my dogs, kids, cows, and all our crazy ideas are best suited to ranch life.  No worries, WH, we aren't taking over anytime soon.  However, Monte did just tell us on his way to bed, “maybe I'll be President someday, and if I am, you guys are moving to the WH with me.” 

I wonder what we will talk about at dinner then. 

Shayla says:

We used to have dinner together every night at our house. We would start it out with the “best and worst” of each person’s day because then everyone was sure to get in on the conversation at least once.

Family dinner led to some great memories that we still laugh about ten years later like the time Alex was complaining about “the popular people” being the worst part of her day. (ADD sidebar: Mean Girls is more than just an awesome movie written by Tina Fey…it’s the real life. Brace yourself Sage.) “I don’t think I would ever want to be popular,” Alex finished her thought. Jesiah laughed to himself before blurting out, “I would! I was popular for one day and I loved it!”

We still have hopes and aspirations that Jesiah will write and star in the film “Popular for One Day.”

Now we rarely have dinner together, let alone at the table.

Life happens.

Kids start playing competitive soccer or football every night of the week.

Boy Scouts becomes a three night a week commitment.

Kids start working.

Kids get married and move out. (ADD Sidebar: Yes a year later I am still coming to terms with it…forgive me.)

And the best and worst part of your day is a blur in an effort to scarf down a meal before you hit the hay and start it all over again the next day.

I can honestly say though, I don’t think we ever got into political discussions at the table.

As the children of a social worker and a police officer, we always joke that our kids will either be really messed up or really well adjusted. Throwing politics in on top of that just seemed exceptionally cruel and bad for digestion.

That’s not to say we never discussed politics with our kids, just not at the dinner table.

I don’t think we would be able to keep it as light hearted as Shane and Sage. That is, of course, with the exception that in our house, the boys outnumber the girls, so at some point our meals always turned to a discussion on bodily functions. I’m 99% sure farting in the White House would’ve come up if we discussed politics at the table.

I now have two kids that are of voting age. Sadly, the most they say about voting for the upcoming Presidential election is that there is no one worth voting for.

I grew up in a household that discussed politics quite often. I don’t know if that’s because my parents were just that civic minded.

(ADD sidebar: My parents were in fact pretty civic minded. My mom was the president of the PTA. My father was the president of the soccer club. They were both very hands on and involved which I think speaks volumes to kids in respect to how they view being an American and what their responsibility is to their community.) 

(ADD sidebar to my sidebar: I was the president of the high school soccer booster club for two years. Here’s a tip for other parents who may be maneuvering through high school for the first time with your child. When the coach asks for volunteers, be specific in how you want to help. Answering “I will help in whatever capacity you need” makes you the honorary president whether you wanted it or not. )

Part of my political prowess as a young child was also because I was one of the nosiest children on the face of the planet.

When sitting in line during the “gas wars” I needed to know why we were sitting in line.

When Iran held Americans hostage, I needed to know why and how we were going to get them back.

And of course there was much anxiety over whether or not crouching under my desk really would save my life in the event of a nuclear war if President Reagan wasn’t able to improve relations with Russia.

ADD sidebar: Does anyone else remember that movie “The Day After” in the early 1980s that starred Steve Guttenberg where nuclear war turned people to dust and blinded anyone who looked in the direction of the blast? It scared the shit out of me.

ADD sidebar to my sidebar: If Sage makes it to the White House I also will have to work on my cussing before I visit.  

ADD sidebar to my sidebar to my sidebar: Whatever happened to Steve Guttenberg?

My dad’s best friend used to tell him when I was little he needed to be extra nice to me because I was going to be the first woman President someday. I think my mom still holds out hope.

I took a political science class in college with the thought that maybe I really could change the world some day.

But the truth is, there is little room in politics for a lady who would rather look at fairness than appeasing her own political party’s agenda.

And if there isn’t a candidate that rises up over the next year worth voting for, I think I’ll write Shane in too.

Better to have a President in a cowboy hat who will shake your hand and look you in the eye with a sidearm on his hip than the one in the suit who stabs you in the back with a pen the moment turn to walk away.

And maybe Shane would consider making me his running mate.

We could have the first Inauguration Ball that serves Fireball shots and sings Karaoke to the music of “Pitch Perfect.”

I’m pretty sure my kids would vote for that.

Livestock and Lingerie

Sage says: 

My horses have VS. 

I know, unless you have horses, you are thinking, “say what?” 

Vesicular Stomatitus.  Fever, oozing blisters all over the lips, nostrils, teats and sometimes near hooves, the skin sloughs where the blisters were and lesions develop throughout the mouth and the areas that had blisters.  Very contagious.  Not comfortable; in fact, judging from my horses, it is downright painful.  And it is a reportable disease.  Meaning, it is federal law that one must report it, if you have it in your animals.  The USDA has downgraded the disease but they still need to monitor it.  In horses it is common, especially in wet fly season(flies carry it).  It resembles Hoof and Mouth, a very nasty disease in cattle that was irradicated in 1929.  So every time a cow gets VS, a state or federal veterinarian checks to make sure it isn't hoof and mouth.   It's a lot of interacting with ‘guvment’ but this is actually where I'm glad we have them, because all the website PDFs were very helpful, and contagious diseases are a tad overwhelming.  I’m sure my veterinarian appreciated the PDFs as well, because it meant I only called 6 times instead of 600.  Yes, I'm a bit of a horse-owner hypochondriac. 

Squirrel:  Speaking of being a hypochondriac, my sister-in-law might have it, too.  She isn't sure, but people can get it.  She has a blister that hurts, in her mouth.  I have read VS stuff from sundown ‘til sunup - I've learned a lot.  Hopefully she doesn't have it – the only people who get it usually have compromised immune systems.   

Hopefully it's just the sunflower seeds she really likes to eat.  But I may have to check her temp...

At any rate, we have a state agency issued quarantine for 14 days.  This is where country and city meet.  My horses drink out of a pond.  The official I spoke with suggested I clean out my water tanks.  This poses a challenge as they hold several thousand gallons of water.  It was also suggested I control flies.  On 1,700 acres?  That's a lot of fly spray.  At any rate, I've been trying to apply the suggestions as best I can and monitor my horses, cattle, 1 goat, 1 sheep, 5 family members and various human visitors as best I can.  The horses are getting better, they haven't missed a single bite of grass out in their pasture.  For horse owners, missing a meal is a big red-flag.  Our bunch seem to know that work, and winter, are around the corner so it is best not to miss a single blade of green grass. 

I've shared the news of our VS, because I think learning from others is a great opportunity, and if something I do can help a single soul, well, it served a purpose.  Though having a quarantine hasn't been all bad...I'll even admit I suggested to a city friend that we have been quarantined and we should plan her visit at a later date because I really didn’t want to clean house…not sure the guvment official would agree with me using the information to ward off visitors, but, well, hey, the house is a mess and I do need too go check the horses again. 

Shayla says:

I’ll be completely honest.

When my cousins first started posting about VS coming to New Mexico, I was kind of excited for them. Here in the city, we often use the initials “VS” when referring to Victoria’s Secret. I thought “Well good for them! They can get some pretty bras and undies!”

But I can read a room, and my cousins were not happy about this particular VS so I did a Google search to see what it was. ADD sidebar: I wish I hadn’t. There were pictures.

I don’t know much about livestock, but having had three kids who go or have gone to the germ factory known as public school, I am familiar with hand, foot, and mouth disease and this seemed liked a horse-size version of that miserable ailment. My experience with that consists of this:

“Mommy my mouth hurts so much…” (cry cry sniffle sniffle)

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well. Try gargling with warm salt water …here’s a popsicle…time for your Tylenol. …wash your hands…don’t touch Mommy.” (cry cry sniffle sniffle…I don’t do well with watching others suffer.)

ADD sidebar: Does Sage get the horses to gargle salt water? If so, I need video evidence…

ADD to my ADD sidebar: We had a pet turtle once named Flash. Flash didn’t exactly live up to his name. He was fast enough to portray the Tortoise in a live version of The Tortoise and the Hare. Flash also came to us with a mild case of shell rot. I spent weeks debriding his shell and applying disinfectant, hoping to turn it around. I liked Flash. He used to stick out his back foot for me to rub it while I was cleaning him. But despite my best efforts, Flash died. I don’t know how Sage is able to stomach taking care of multiple animals on a regular basis, especially ones that can spread a virus to humans. Like Sage, I am a hypochondriac. If I hadn’t Googled it, I would’ve thought I could’ve gotten shell rot.

I can’t fathom 1700 acres. 

I have two yards—a front and a back. 

I have a pool. We had to drain it once and refill it. I can't tell you how we drained it. The city has laws about that and I'm not sure the statute of limitations has run out. 

I have three flyswatters for the “ton” of flies we get sometimes which might be five or six on a day.

And in truth, the VS originally freaked me out because let’s face reality, I depend on people like Sage for my food source (and this fatty likes her food). 

I thought it was like mad cow disease or the bird flu and suddenly turned into the “Where’s the beef” lady thinking that all that red meat would be lost. So I was glad that Sage provided information on it.  

But because I have no real practical experience with VS, I’ve decided that the best way I can help is to respect Sage’s quarantine and stay the hell away. 

Sure some might say that I am only doing that because I fear I will contract the cooties myself (and you’d be right.) But she also doesn’t need the added stress of having to clean her house for a visit (and as an added bonus, I don’t have to go through the effort of putting on my VS bra.)

Just know that I’m here for you Sage.

Way the hell over here.