The Morning Rooster and the Night Owl

Shayla says: 

My neighbor has a rooster. 

Sometimes when it is cock-a-doodle-doodling—Attention Deficit sidebar: I know that’s not the technical term for the noise a rooster actually makes, but I’ll be honest, I’m a loss for words here. I think it might be called “crowing” but that doesn’t seem right either. Shouldn’t crows be “crowing” and roosters be…”roostering?” Yeah “roostering” doesn’t sound right either. So I’ll stick with cock-a-doodle-doodling. Where was I? Oh yes…---Sometimes when my neighbor’s rooster is cock-a-doodle-doodling, it makes me smile because it reminds me of visiting my grandma and grandpa. 

There’s a funny thing about that rooster, though.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a city rooster and confused or if this is normal rooster behavior, but he cock-a-doodle-doodles morning, noon, and night.

I’m a little perplexed by this because all of the children’s books I’ve ever read tell me that the rooster’s main job is to alert the rest of the farm that it’s time to get up and get to work. That is the extent of my knowledge of roosters. And I thought I got it from a reliable source. I mean sure, Dr. Suess may not be a veterinarian but he’s a doctor, right?  

So, based on my vast knowledge of roosters and the fact that I consider being a cock-a-doodle-doodling alarm clock to be the rooster’s job, one might think that this would make me appreciate the rooster cock-a-doodle-doodling as the blazing hot Phoenix sun creeps up over the mountains. 

And like I said, sometimes the cock-a-doodle-doodling makes me smile. It might be at eight o’clock in the evening and after a shot or two of Fireball, but he does make me smile…sometimes. 

But here’s the thing…I hate mornings. 

Let me rephrase that. I hate WAKING UP in the morning. 

Usually that’s because I don’t go to bed until the beginning of the morning. 

I am a night owl, not a rooster, at heart. 

So cock-a-doodle-doodling rooster, please know, if I had any inkling where the snooze button was on your sorry ass, I would hit it, or pluck it, or shave it, or whatever it is that people do to roosters—Attention Deficit sidebar: One time at my uncle’s, he took an axe and cut the head off of a chicken. I don’t remember if it was a rooster or a hen but I DO remember my cousins and I chasing the headless body around. This gave me a deep understanding to the term, “running around like a chicken with its head cut off.” So maybe you should beware cock-a-doodle-doodling rooster, because I do know ONE way to deal with a chicken. Then again, this is the same uncle that convinced me a cow was a horse when I was little and then took pictures of me clinging for dear life to the calf while he lead it around by a rope. Hmmmm...

This rooster’s inability to understand that city folk have their iPhones and alarm clocks and traffic noise to alert them to morning may be the death of me…or him if I ever get the hankering to scramble over a block wall with an axe. 

But really, I’m just grumbling because I’m tired. Don’t worry about me. 

Eventually late at night, I always have the sweet sound of a police helicopter to lull me to sleep with the hope that some stray cat will get a hold of that cock-a-doodle-doodling rooster before the sun comes up.

Sage Says:

I love mornings!  Love, love, love!  Instead of 'attention deficit sidebar', I'm lazy, so in the future I'll just put 'squirrel' and you'll know I mean the same thing.  

Squirrel!  There's a joke about there being two kinds of people.  1. Morning people.  2. Those who want to shoot morning people, (and their roosters). Clearly, Shayla and I have both personalities covered.  

At any rate, I love waking up early.  I don't have roosters or chickens, or neighbors close enough that I would even be able to hear theirs.  I wake up to this internal clock that says, "it's time!  The sun is peaking over the mountain!  Hallelujah!  We have so much to do today!"  

Squirrel!  There are mornings I sit and watch....my iPhone.  Yes, it has killed the productivity of many a full morning.  That aside, I still love being up early enough to do whatever I choose. No roosters, but the cowdogs start barking early, there are magpies squawking, songbirds singing and often the last calls of the coyotes fill the early morning.  

We tried the chicken thing once on this ranch.  I love fresh eggs, and with a three kids, I figured it would be a great addition.  I stood the fence up on an old, falling apart chicken coop.  

Squirrel:  I'm good at ideas, poor at planning.  When one decides to take on chickens,it's best to build a Fort Knox coop.  Not just 'stand up the fence'.  

A friend heard I wanted chickens.  He had a friend moving and wanting to get rid of hers.  It was perfect!  

The idea, at least.  

The chickens came and they were the strangest collection of chickens out there.  There were big chickens and little ones. Fluffy headed chickens, brightly colored chickens, skinny and fat ones.  

Roosters outnumbered hens two to one.  

And then, within about three days, the neighborhood fox, the skunks, coyotes and my favorite dog managed to wipe out the chicken population.  

Oh I tried to fix my coop.  It's much easier to build the dam before the lake is full!  It was too late. Every single attempt was met with failure.  Thus ended my chicken venture.  

I still love mornings, I guess it's a good thing I'm my own rooster!